October 25, 2002

A lot has happened since lung surgery over 2 months ago. Thursday morning I went to the emergency room for bad pain in my legs. My femur bone especially hurt I started taking Tylenol on our trip and then it hurt so badly I took Percocet every 4 hours and cried at night because of pain. Larry rubbed my legs and tried so hard to help me feel better. It hurt so much to move get out of the car. It was especially hard to chase Jacob. On Wednesday I went to ENT. I’m sure the melanoma (fungus?) was on the bone on my sinus.

8amà 1:30pm

Anyway in the emergency room they did a Doppler ultra sound for a blood clot on my leg, nothing. They also did an x-ray it showed 2 lesions. They gave me a Morphine shot and sent me home. That night we went to pick up a prescription at the Phoenix office for generic oxy-cotton. We called Dr. Lee because I had slurred speech and the corner of my mouth would not smile. Well this time we went in at 8pm and got about 1:30am. Hey did a MRI on me with a contrast. The ET Dr. was a chicken and gave the results to me that I had 2 tumors on my brain. We cried together. Finally at 2:30 I sent Larry home. Larry came back at 6:30am to listen to Dr. Isaac. He came in about 7:00am. He said this wasn’t good. He said we would put this together. At 10 they put DMP Radon material in my vein. At 1:00 I had the bone scan. It took almost 2 hours. I had a fun roommate Janis. Dave the Nuclear technician was very nice. Judi and Jean were waiting for me to visit. We had lots of fun. Larry came about 4:00pm. We shared dinner and visited.

Friday  the radiologist oncologist came in the same time I was talking to Dr. Hersh. He explained where all the tumors were. There are two in my brain and 2 in my femurs (that hurt the most). He also said I had 1 on my tibia, pelvis or back bone. I was too shocked to listen very well. I have 3 subcutaneous tumors on my hip, back and under my arm. I did get up the courage to ask how long this would help and keep me alive. He said the shortest he had seen was 4 months and the longest was 1 ½ years. That hit hard. He said to do everything I can to enjoy life. I would love to play tennis with Mark again in the morning, go with Larry somewhere, all go to Disneyland.

I do believe in Miracles, but as I feel weaker I realize the cancer is destroying my life.

The pain Dr. came in Saturday morning. I did cry when he talked about liquid morphine etc. I had to give it to him at the end. I remember Hop Hospice and how weak my Dad got.

Dr. Isaacs came after breakfast He said to come see him in 2 weeks. I was dressed and ready to go because I wanted to be home with my family. It was amazing how the bathroom didn’t stink like it did when Iwas on chemo. The good even tasted good. I was praying on my bed when the nurse came in she was wondering what was wrong with me. I slept really well that first night I had a roommate that called her son at 2:00am and kept getting up. Larry didn’t leave until 2 am the first night.

The second night I was very tired. I truly felt the Holy Ghost’s comforting spirit.

There were so many things I wanted to do with my family. Mark had called me early for the recipe for pancakes 7:00amm. Larry picked me up about 8:40. I was all packed. I sure felt different when I left.

Saturday morning it was so wonderful to see all of my children and grandchildren. Virtuous Viola was scratched for Mark and Dallin. We got everyone up and ready for the zoo. We had a wonderful time. True joy is having your family together. All of the older children helped with 3 little ones. What a sad way to get everyone to come. One of the hardest things was to have Cherise drop out f school and come home. She has loved school and loves her roommates and has learned. 

We went tothe Phoenix Zoo. We then took Mark to part of his festival at Tempe High. We were late.

Bishop Romney gave me a beautiful blessing. Then you tell me when she sit to write in my journal I fall asleep. My blessing was last Sunday November 3-7=Oct 27.

Theron and Matt and al of our family were here. We all went into Bishop Romney’s office. He blessed me that Heavenly Father was aware of me and loved me. I think it was the word petitioned the Lord blessings of health, Doctors would be inspired. I felt great peace as we left his office.

It was so wonderful having all of my family together at church. Sister Butler gave a beautiful lesson on the temple. This year in primary we began studying about the Temple. I made a goal after listening to a Stake Conference to try go to the Temple once a week. I’m afraid I got sick, but I love to go to the temple. I yearn to learn more and be a deeper ponderer on symbolism. A special memory was during an initiatory while I was pretty much bald, in the middle of Chemo. I always looked forward to being

 strong enough to be able to go.

Tuesday Rachel and I went. Frances Davidson was there. My knees were so weak it was hard for me to stand up. It helped so much when I sat. What a beautiful experience together. I know she loves Jacob and if something happens to me she will help Larry. He could do T-ball with Matthew ect. If we can get Matt a job here.

Last night Larry and I went to the temple. I got very emotional. I tried so hard to concentrate but I’ve been taking O&Y-Moron (12 hour release Morphine) pills and I feel a little spacey. I cherish each time Larry and I have been to the Temple.

Each morning Larry and I have prayer together that gives me strength. I am thankful for everything I do.

On Halloween it was so fun to get up early with the babies and make Halloween pancakes, oranges and cool whip and yogurt and orange juice. To let them stir and take turns. Jacob just knew that Karl n

eeded to put in baking powder because he hadn’t had a turn. What JOY!

They had enjoyed Halloween Saturday night we went Trunk or Treating and Monday night for FHE we carved pumpkins and had a party. Amy Storment and Trish Baxter brought us enough dinner in a laundry basket, yummy spaghetti, sauce in 1 gallon ice cream bucket, French bread, and brownies, cake and ice cream with chocolate sauce. Delicious. Phylis Ames insisted on bringing dinner Sunday. It was very good chicken soup, pees, apple desert, mashed potatoes. Darry Grecko brought some bread we ate with it. Sorry I think of something like I talk and it not in order.

The funniest part of our FHE Halloween party was watching Matthew, Karl, and Jacob hit a pretend spider with a battery in it with the rubber hoses. It was hilarious. They also liked playing pumpkin, pumpkin ghost. Karl was the cutest dog, Matthew a fisherman, and Jacob an elephant.

On Halloween we went over to visit Jack at the Alterra. She seemed to remember me, and it was fun to walk over and see her.

Karl feel asleep in the stroller. I had my first treatment on Halloween. I don’t know if it was a trick or treat. For lunch we made English muffin pancakes.

I felt bad Larry came home early and we were gone. I like to spend each minute with him. I just want him to hug me all night, for watch day to last forever.

Matthew and Jacob fell asleep watching a movie for a nap. We went to ride the train at Desert Breeze Park but it was closed, so we fed our loaf of bread to the ducks. Matthew and Karl also like to eat the bread. Jacob just sat on my lap, and threw the bread. We also played at the park. Poor Rachel, Karl has had diarrhea and Matthew pooped at the park. Jacob still is not interested at all, except he likes his Bob the Builder underwear. It is great to wear over diapers.